Epic Sarcastic Quotes on Life, Success, Love, Friends

Epic Sarcastic Quotes: Feeling exhausted after spending a whole week with worries and workload? Want to read some funny, and witty sarcastic quotes that will lighten up your heavy heart. Get ready to put off that serious face and have some fun. So presenting to you on this page the hilarious and motivational sarcastic quotes that will cheer you up. OurEpic sarcastic quotes about life, work, friends, and enemies will make you laugh and fill your day with happiness. Enjoy the weekend without any frustration. Read our bitchy, humor-filled quotes and messages. You can share these fantastic sarcastic quotes on Whatsapp, Instagram, or Facebook to express your feelings.

Sarcasm doesn’t show your weakness though it’s a sign of intellect. Being sarcastic sometimes in life helps you feel light and glad. There is no need to think about what others think about you! Sarcastic people have a great sense of humor and are way smarter than other people around them. Sarcasm is natural and increases your flow of creativity. just be yourself and in a high state of mind if you want to convert your feelings into sarcastic quotes.

Best Epic Sarcastic Quotes

Miracles always happen when you believe.


Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you.

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

You sound better with your mouth closed.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. – Mark Twain

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

Sarcasm: Helping intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

Find your patience before I lose mine.

Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.

Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

I’ve got a good heart but this mouth..

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible. ,Sarcastic Quotes about friends

You can if you think you can.


I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.

Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

Don’t ever regret anything you do.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

Follow your heart but don’t be stupid.

Be you not them.

No matter what happens you’re going to be okay in the end.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant

I’m not bad… I’m just mad.

Don’t ever look back, the past is dead.

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Things will always turn out better.

Chasing the very wrong things people forgot that the only thing they really need is to be happy every single moment.

Money doesn’t make you happy. I have 50 million dollars now but I was just as happy when I only had 48 million.

Never lose your dreams.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day. ,Sarcastic Quotes about work

Savage Epic Sarcastic Quotes

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

If you show me you don’t give a fuck, I’ll show you that I’m better at it.

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

I tried to put myself in your shoes but they were cheap and ugly, just like you.

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

I heard you’re a player. Nice to meet you, I’m the coach.

People talk about me behind my back and I just sit here like “Damn, I got myself a fan club.”

If you can read this then you are close to my phone, go away.


You’re just like math. I hate math.

No, I checked my receipt. I didn’t buy any of your bullshit.

You were my cup of tea but I drink champagne now.

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not much worth.

When someone says “Expect The Unexpected” Slap them and say you didn’t expect that, did you?


This is my cup of care. Oh look, it’s empty.

Also, Read: May God Bless You Forever Quotes

Epic Sarcastic Quotes on Friends

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid stuff alone.

A friend will help you up when you fall down. A best friend will laugh at you so much they’ll fall down too.

Never let you best friends get lonely. Keep annoying them.

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

You and I aren’t friends. We are our own small gang.

If you have crazy friends you have everything that you’ll ever need.

I love my phone because all my friends live inside it.

When our phones fall we panic. When our friends fall, we laugh.

You suck less than most people.

So I changed my Facebook name to benefits. So when you add me it says: You are friends with benefits.

Friends cheer you up with comforting words. Best friends cheer you up with sarcasm.

A true friend: Someone who asks for your advice, and does the complete opposite.


When I said how stupid you can be, it wasn’t a challenge.

Good friends are like stars. You can’t always see them, but you’ll know that they’re there.

Friends are like boobs. Some are big. Some are small. And some are real. Some are fake.

Friends come and go but enemies remain and build up.

Everybody has the right to be stupid. But you’re abusing the privilege.

True friends don’t just each other. They judge other people together.


Best friends know how stupid and crazy you are, but will still be seen in public with you.

Epic Sarcastic Quotes on Life

There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love you only because they need you. – Uzair Lallmamod

Everyone has a bad day but not everyone has a bad life.

Live a life without drama.

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.


Life’s good, you should get one.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.


Life’s too short to worry about what other people think.

Also, Read: Can’t Sleep Quotes

Epic Sarcastic Quotes on Love

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Reba McEntire

Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. – Will Ferrell

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner

My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside. – Made in Taiwan

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. – Charles Gordy

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage. – Ambrose Bierce

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. – Stephen Bishop

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

Admit when you are wrong. Shut up when you are wrong. – John Gottman


Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything. -​ Katharine Hepburn

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire. – George Carlin

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. – Groucho Marx

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

Sincerest love is the love of food. – George Bernard Shaw

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. – Steven Wright

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. – Garry Shandling

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner


Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant

Sarcastic Quotes on Success

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. – Billie Burke

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. -​ Margaret Mead

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? -​ Kin Hubbard

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. – Cecilia Egan

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. – John Wayne

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

Success is the best revenge. I always feel women should answer back either with their sarcasm or success. – Kangana Ranaut

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. – Albert Einstein

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. – George Bernard Shaw


I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. – Whitney Brown

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. – Albert Einstein

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like? – Jean Cocteau

I don’t like irony and sarcasm very much. But I do like it when you think someone is telling you a joke, and then you discover it’s serious. – Jens Lekman

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde


The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time. – Joe Girard

Sarcastic Quotes on Work

I may look calm but in my mind I’ve killed you three times.

A work challenge I have is not being condescending when I have to show my boss how to do his job.

I wish we worked together so we could hate the same coworkers.

Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

Come here you big, beautiful, cup of coffee. Lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.

I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.

We wanted to be adults so bad. Now look at us!

The hardest job in the world is having to listen to you complain about having the hardest job in the world.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.


I can explain it for you but I can’t understand it for you.

Whoever says ‘nothing can surprise them’ should try working in my office.

I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?

Please try to schedule meetings around my job interviews.

Have you ever listened to someone talk and wondered who ties their shoelaces for them?


Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.

Funny Epic Sarcastic Quotes

Not a single one of my multiple personalities like you.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

I’m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.

Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.

I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment.

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.


I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.

I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when i do, I’m probably at work.

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

There’s someone for everyone and that person for you is a psychiatrist.

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.


I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.

Final Words

Oscar wild has written it is the highest form of intelligence. You can feel proud if people call you sarcastic. With that in mind, being sarcastic all the time can ruin your relationship. So tread carefully! Sometimes we are unable to take out our positive or negative emotions, sharing these sarcastic quotes is a funny way to pour your heart out. They will make you believe that there is always a comeback.

Sarcasm is the best way to react and a legal obligation when people ask silly questions. Just go through our unique collection of epic sarcastic quotes and stupid yet funny sayings about life. Do share them with your near and dear ones and let them know about your witty sense of humor!

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