Funny Valentine Day Quotes, Wishes, and Messages

Funny Valentine Day Quotes: Valentine’s Day is celebrated as the day of love but what is the meaning of real love? Real love is that by which you bring a smile to the face of your loved one. After a few days, 14th February is about to come, which we celebrate as Valentine’s Day. Everyone must have started looking for love messages for that day. But in this article, we have brought something new. Though we have come up with Valentine’s day quotes but with funny words that will make your loved one laugh. So if you are looking for Valentine’s day funny quotes then go ahead in the article.

There is a lot of power in words. Words can make someone emotional, it can make someone angry and it can also make someone laugh. That is why we express our feelings through words to our loved ones on every special occasion. February has started and this month Valentine’s day is the most special occasion for all the loving birds. So get ready to express your feelings through words. You always congratulate your loved ones on Valentine’s day with loving words, those words sometimes make them emotional and sometimes make them happy. But we want this year to express your love with funny words instead of emotional words. After reading those quotes your loved ones can’t stop laughing. That’s why we have written here below funny Valentine’s day quotes. So let’s read them once.

Funny Valentine Day Quotes

Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words. – Melanie White

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

Women love a self-confident bald man. – Larry David

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork – Pearl Bailey

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. – Pauline Thomason

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy. – Ralphie May

Valentine’s Day Money-Saving Tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. – David Letterman

Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. – Jay Leno


The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. – Shirley MacLaine

A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones. – Cher

I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? – Zsa Zsa Gabor

He or she lucky enough to have a lover in frigid, antsy February has cause for celebration, indeed. – Tom Robbins

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni

It’s fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything. – Lew Schneider

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV. – Tracy Smith

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love. – Sophie Monroe

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? – Jean Illsley Clarke

Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. – Christopher Marlowe

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. – Jerry Seinfeld

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are – Will Ferrell

A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month. – Dax Shepard

The only bubble in the flat champagne of February is Valentine’s Day. – Tom Robbins

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone. – Dolly Parton

You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread. – Mike Primavera

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom. – Jerry Seinfeld

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein

It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. – Lucille Ball


Without Valentine’s Day, February would be, well, January. – Jim Gaffigan

Funny Valentines Day Messages

I love the way people ask me about my plans on valentine’s as if they don’t know I’m single.

Let’s pretend for one day that we love each other more than anything else. We can avoid each other for the rest of 364 days!

I need to upgrade the power of my glasses because I’m blindly in love with you.

I like the way you chew my mind like a bar of chocolate. It’s just a matter of days before I become brain dead because of your love!

I am not saying that I care about money more than I do about you. But it’s my father’s advice to spend my money on good purposes only! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Celebrating Valentine’s Day looks great in movies. But in real life, it’s just horrible and costly. Try buying a bouquet of flowers and you’ll know!

Although I am afraid of height, I would climb the tallest mountain just to shout out my love for you, but then cry afterwards. Love you my valentine!

You are my candy crush that I love to play daily. Happy Valentine Day.

Happy Valentine’s Day my love, I have resisted all things in my life, but it seems you’re irresistible, because you’re my only temptation in every way. Let’s enjoy the day.

You are the sun that lights up my days, but also gives me sunburns. Love you to the sun’s heat and back, Happy Valentine’s Day!

I love you more than my washroom slipper. Happy Valentine Day.

You are so cute same as my cat. Have a beautiful Valentine Day.

As an engineer, I would love to build you a staircase to my heart, it’s long and tedious, I hope you won’t give up on the long climb this valentine. I love you.

I see your face in every cow. Please lose some pounds for me. Happy Valentine Day.

Today, let us celebrate the early demise of all men in promoting love just like Saint Valentine did before his own sad demise!

You don’t need a valentine to spend time with on valentine’s day, just like you don’t need HIV on AIDS day.


May God fills your heart with love and your wallet with money so you can buy some chocolates for your honey! Happy valentine’s day!

I guess you didn’t steal my heart; you completely grabbed me from me! Happy Valentine’s day.

You don’t need flowers to smell sweet and don’t need ornaments to look beautiful. And then I thought you don’t need a valentine’s day either to be loved!

I have found my way back to your heart like a stray dog finds his way back home. Thank you for letting me in every time. Happy valentine’s day!

The best way to spend this valentine’s day for me is to spend it with the love of my life – food. Wishing happy valentines day to you!

I don’t always celebrate valentine’s day, but I make sure I have a fake smile on my face when I do.

Valentine’s Day meant nothing to me before you, it’s still means nothing. But I love you anyway.

I hate valentine’s day because it makes me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. But I do like the memes. So yeah, keep sending me those!

Loving you is my job and every job holder needs the motivation to work. Can I have some motivation tonight? Happy valentine’s day!


You cannot define love in one word and you cannot celebrate love in one day. That’s why I don’t have any plans with you on this Valentine’s Day!

Also, Read: Kiss Day Quotes for Him

Funny Valentine Messages For Her

If my wealth grew as much as my love for you today, I’d be on the Forbes list of richest men in the world. Happy valentine’s day!

I just found out that I have fallen in love more deeply than I had originally planned. You can take this as a valentine’s day confession from me!

I was single and sad. And then I met you and realized being single was not so bad. Just kidding! Happy valentine’s day, my love!

Happy valentine’s day my love. Can you help me find the cheapest dinner plan for the two of us tonight? I’ll be forever grateful to you for that!

I wish I could strip your clothes off tonight like the way you strip a bar of wrapped chocolate. I really wish I was with you tonight. Happy valentine’s day sweetheart!

Before our relationship, you told me you ain’t got time for valentine’s day. Well, I’ve just realized that you lied about that. Happy valentine’s day anyway!


It is hard to be wise and a lover at the same time while loving you. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart!

What if I told you that you cleaning up all the dishes seduces me more than you whining about a candlelight dinner on valentine’s day?

I don’t usually hang out on valentine’s day, but when I do, I make sure It’s with someone so gorgeous as you!

Girl, are you a library book? Because I can’t stop looking for you! Loving you is a weird thing and a roller coaster ride for me. Happy Valentine’s day!

My healthcare plan does not cover the broken heart. So please don’t leave me ever. Happy valentine’s day!

I wish I could wrap all my love for you in a box and send you as a gift on this valentine’s day. But I couldn’t send it because there is not such a big box to carry all my love for you.


I don’t need a lot of candies this valentine’s day because I’m on a diet. You can buy me diamonds instead!

Also, Read: Happy Kiss Day Quotes

Funny Valentine Messages For Him

I would say you are my favorite thing about Valentine’s Day but then I remember chocolates exist. So, you are my second favorite thing about Valentine’s Day.

The world is filled with so many people with so little love. Tonight, let’s make some love together. Happy valentine’s day!

When people ask me what the best thing about you is, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you. Happy valentine’s Day!

Buy me chocolates and flowers today, or tonight you dine alone. The choice is yours, darling. Happy valentine’s day to you with love!

A date with you? No thanks, I would rather have an apple by myself alone. Happy valentine’s day!

I love you so much, I could steal the moon for you, but for now, here I stole chocolates. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Want to know my plan for today? Getting you arrested for stealing my heart. Happy valentine’s day, my love!


Thanks to me being so beautiful, we make the most gorgeous couple. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I love you like a lazy guy loves his bed in the morning. I want you like a monkey wants a banana and I crave for you as a fat boy craves for chocolates.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Here is the list of things you should buy me because you are the best boyfriend in the entire world.

If you can’t buy happiness with money, try buying a valentine’s gift for me. It will work like magic. I can guarantee you that!

Darling, I think we will have a great time together today. Just don’t forget to spend some time on dental cleaning. Happy valentine’s day!


You are just as much weird as me. That makes us a perfect couple. Happy valentine’s day to my crazy one!

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Friends

I don’t mind being a security guard while you’re dating as long as you’re paying for me being drunk & grabbing some hookers from the club.

On valentine’s day, if you don’t have anyone, don’t be sad. Just know that you’re not the only one.

Do you know the very famous quote saint Valentine said before his death? – he said, “don’t buy a cow when you can have milk for free’’!

Love is just like a fart. If you push it, it will be crap. Happy valentine’s day, my friend!

I hope you have prepared the best valentine’s day gift for your best friend!

If you feel lonely today, just remind yourself that yesterday you felt the same as today, and tomorrow will not be different either. Happy valentine’s day!


Valentine’s day is one day to stay committed to one person and the other days are for other persons.

Girlfriends are temporary, friends are permanent. Accept this truth, my friend. Let’s spend this Valentine’s Day high on drugs and drunk as a lord!

Love is like a blanket. It will keep you warm and safe for some time but very soon you’ll realize that it was an electric blanket and someone else is in control of the switch!

It feels so sad to know that you don’t have any special person to spend Valentine’s day with. You better spend the day with me, and better luck next year!

It’s always a wonder how the least intelligent guy in the friend circle gets the most beautiful girl in the class. Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.


Whatever you do, don’t commit yourself. You’ll be dead long before your death. Happy valentine’s day!

Funny Valentine Wishes for Singles

Having a great time with my GF so far, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing today? How does it feel like dating yourself? I’m dying to know!

The power of human brain is unlimited. Even a loser can create an imaginary valentine for himself at anytime. Then my friend, why you’re so sad?

I have never seen anyone more romantic and caring as a person than you are. Maybe this is the reason why you are still single!


Every Valentine’s Day creates a hole in my pocket that I need the whole year to repair. I’m glad that you’re still single!

Even God couldn’t find someone for you in all these years. Maybe she is not born yet, or maybe she is from mars! Happy Valentine’s Day!

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Happy Valentine’s Day to Me!

You may not have someone to love but at least your pocket is safe & secure. Enjoy your life man! I’ve started to envy you already!

I get it, you are not single; you’re just waiting for something real, which unfortunately will never happen. Happy valentine’s day!


If you remain single for the next 2 years, you should really consider dating yourself. Because you are one of a kind and there’s no one like you!

Funny Valentines Day Text

Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it extortion day.

Every man would agree that the 14th of February should be celebrated in a fiscally but not sexually conservative way.

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, lungs, liver, and spleen…!

Roses are red, fitness is great, I would’ve gotten you chocolate, but you need to lose some weight.


Here’s Valentine’s Day filled with good wine, good food and especially good friends like you.

Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And it would be best if you used your imagination too.

What present will you give for your right hand during Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s day is the perfect day to tell you those three special words… Let’s get naked!


My friends are the weirdest, craziest people I know but I love them. Happy Valentines’ Day everyone!

Funny Valentines Day Wishes

Before I met you, I was living my life like nothing else matters to me than friends, but now I’m living like nothing else matters than you. I’ve neglected my friends. Happy Valentine’s Day cutie.

Be my valentine and I promise you a chocolate fountain, an imaginary one anyway, I hope you enjoy this time and I apologize for my being broke. Have an awesome time.

Happy Valentine’s day my love and my everything, I want you to know that life is short, so let’s love each other forever, even if it’s difficult. Enjoy this day with me.

You are an essential nutrient of my body. Without you I would suffer in osteoporosis. Happy Valentine day, my love of life.

Valentine is a day for a child with an arrow to go around shooting people, this is my apology for not taking you out, I don’t want to be a victim too. Have a hearty valentine regardless.

I’ve been thinking so hard to tell you how much I’ve loved you, I wish I was there when they gave birth to you; I’ll just marry you straight away. Happy Valentine’s Day love.

All I need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt, especially today, on Valentine’s Day! Just giving you a hint of what I’d like. Love you!

You don’t stole my heart, you just hacked my brain. I even forgot my name when I am with you. Happy Valentine Day, my sweet baby.

Someday the best part of our day will be changing diapers together, but that won’t matter for I know our children will have your beautiful eyes. Happy Valentine’s my love!

Chocolates aren’t enough to fill your huge appetite, so I’ll buy you dinner instead; I hope you say yes to going out with me on valentine.

They say life is a race, run at your own pace, but I couldn’t even walk without you in this race. You’ve become my legs and my everything. Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

Our love is like a car with no brakes, it’s simply unstoppable. I will love you till the gas gives out. Have a fantastic valentine my love, you are loved!

Love is termite and I am hollow inside in glow of your love. Wishing you a Happy Valentine Day.

You complete me, and that is not what most can do, I hope you enjoy the time as I will be watching you from a far for you don’t know me but I know you well. Happy valentine my crush.

One funny thing about Valentine’s Day is that after the enjoyment comes the possibility of a crying baby in the cradle. Enjoy wisely.

Don’t be so cool when you are with me, you look so fool. Happy Valentine Day.

In this world, there are 3 billion men. Among all of them, you choose to be with me, even though I’m ugly. You’re a lucky woman. hehehe. Happy Valentine’s Day.


They say love is blind, but to me it is not, your love actually opened my eye to all of your faults and yet I still love you. Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

Today I want to know if you’ll end up marrying me. Let’s flip a coin, if it’s the head, then I’m yours, if it’s tail then you’re mine ? it’s a fair deal. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I am that secret of your life which you can never hide. But you play with my heart I know well. Happy Valentine.

Never forget how we looked like now, some day we will be old and wrinkly, but the best part about it is we will be old and wrinkly together. Happy Valentine’s my love!

Today we’re far apart I hope you’ll enjoy your valentine’s day away from me. But not with another man or else. You don’t want to know what I’ll do. ?. Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

Words are not enough to explain my love for you. May be my stupid face. Wishing you a wonderful Valentine Day.

You are my favorite dish that I love to eat daily. Wishing you the most romantic day. Happy Valentine’s Day.

My whole world surrounds you. Even I forget the zoo, when I am with you. Wish you a very Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.

There are few things that I can’t wait to rip their clothes off when I get married, one is you and two is you. ? I love you so much darling. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Roses are red and so are you, when you blush next to me I feel so good. Happy Valentines Day my sweetheart, you are the best part of any day!

From the moment I saw you I knew I would be doing this, Happy Valentine’s Day my frog, I finally turned you into a prince. I love you!

There’s one thing I know, money can’t buy love, but it can buy lots of love. I’ll make lots of money and get lots of love from you. Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

I always try to put my best foot forward to resolve all the issues prevailing between us. But all go in vain. Because you are so silly and dumb. Happy valentine day, anyways.

I’m so happy to be the love of your life, you’re the second creature to fall in complete love with me, the first were the mosquitoes not even my mom. hehehe. Happy Valentines Day dear.

You are the sweet topping of my ice-cream. I wish this ice-cream never melts. Have a wonderful Valentine.
I love you as I love to drink soft drinks. Happy Valentine day.


Love is blind so true. How mad I am how can I fall in love with you. Never mind! Happy Valentine.

Funny Valentines Quotes for BF and GF

Let’s pretend like we are one of the best couples in the world. Other days, nobody will notice us.

I had a crush on so many guys, but you were the most handsome among all of them. So you are the luckiest guy who got me right beside you. Happy Valentine’s day!


Every day with you is Valentine, that’s why I don’t have any special gift for you today.

I called the police to get you arrested. Your crime is stealing my heart and taking my breath away. Happy Valentine’s Day.

This Valentine I am officially requesting you to leave my head, I can’t stop thinking about you.


Nobody will love you like me after knowing all your weird habits. Happy Valentine’s day!

Funny Valentine Quotes For Husband and Wife

You are a robber and a drug dealer at the same time. Because you not only stole my heart but also made me addicted to you. Happy Valentine’s day, my dear husband.

I always wondered what it is like to spend Valentine’s Day with the most awesome person in the world? Now I can know. So, wife, how is it to spend Valentine’s Day with me?


Happy Valentine’s day. This valentine, I hope you’ll stop getting on my nerves.

Next valentine, you may be changing the diaper of our kids, so better enjoy the valentine this year!

Happy Valentine’s Day. I can’t imagine how lucky you are to be married to me!


We slew the dating game, now we are slaying the married life. Happy Valentine’s Day.


Whom we love we want that person to always laugh. That’s why we recommend this Valentine’s day should be wished by funny Valentine’s Day quotes. These funny words will bring a smile to the face of the one you love. So we hope you liked these quotes. If yes, definitely share it on your social media account so that other people can also bring smiles to the face of their loved ones by wishing Valentine’s day with these quotes.

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